9 Reasons why I didn’t get married young

89010896So I saw that article about why it’s a good thing to get married young.  It’s a pretty good article that can be found here:

9 Reasons For Getting Married Young

There’s also an adorable photo of a puppy, so you should definitely look at it.  And, well, getting married young works for some.  It actually works pretty well for some.  I know a lot of couples who married at a young age and are loving it.  But that’s not for me.  So here I am to bring the other side of the issue to the table.  Because I’ll be honest here – at no point in time at my small Christian liberal-arts college did I worry that I’d be an outlier if I got married young.  So without further ado, here is the rebuttal of a twenty-five-year-old happily single man.

I tried and failed.

I thought I had a chance to get married while young.  In fact, I thought that I should get married while young.  I thought society expected that of me.  And when it didn’t work out, I fell apart.  Not because I needed marriage but because I thought I was supposed to need it.  That experience seriously messed me up for a few years.

I needed time to learn how to survive on my own

This is a big one.  If I’d gotten married in college, it would’ve fallen apart quickly.  Why?  Because I knew nothing about living on my own.  Now that college is done, I’ve lived on my own for a year.  I’ve learned how to pay my bills on time, how to cook rudimentary meals, and how to keep myself busy on those long nights by myself.  That I can survive on my own is evidenced by two major things:

1)      A year after moving into my own apartment, I am still alive.  I only weigh slightly less than I did starting out.

2)      I went into my apartment last week after I’d moved mostly everything out.  It smells way worse after I left than while I was there.  Small victories.

I don’t mind caf food

Really it’s not that bad.  Except that four-cheese quesadilla.  That four-cheese BLUE CHEESE quesadilla.  Never forgive.  Never forget.

I have a lot of social capital right now

When  you’re young, you have social capital.  That means you can befriend anyone you want without a risk of being seen as a weirdo.  As you grow older, your social capital diminishes.  It becomes more and more awkward to befriend people who are younger than you.  In fact, as a fairly young person, I find that I have to reach out first if I am to befriend someone older.  Getting to the point, being married diminishes your social capital greatly.  If I were married, I might not be able to go out to random movies with my boss or coworkers on a weekend night.  I might not be able to take an elderly neighbor to dinner for two on a regular basis.  And I definitely would not be able to have so many young female friends that I talk to regularly.  I’d be reduced to only talking to male friends regularly.  I’d have to take up drinking and golf and who knows what else.  I really don’t like drinking or golf.

I can sink into my job as fully as I want

I’m a pretty busy person.  I work as a respite provider for the area surrounding the town in which I live.  It’s the best.  I get really weird hours six days a week.  I get to hang out with people from all walks of life, go to movies, go swimming, have major sleepovers.  And I get paid to do these things.  If I were married, I would need to work towards more regular hours.  If and when I get married, I will do that.  But right now, I kinda like playing video games with young children at the local library.  For pay.

I can have the hobbies I want

When I inevitably get married, I’m not going to play video games as often.  I look forward to giving them up, honestly.  Not entirely, but in a large part.  Why?  Because I play games to pass the time.  When a social situation calls for it, I put away my games and go do things that are worthwhile.  I prefer social situations over games.  But I also enjoy the intellectual stimulation provided by a difficult game.  Seriously.  I’ve written huge long articles about the psychology behind strategy games and internet behavior.  It’s fun and I love it.  For now.

I have learned to be happy

I enjoy my life.  I used to not.  I used to feel like I needed to be dating someone to be happy.  Unfortunately, that’s a really dangerous belief to hold.  If you can’t be happy without a significant other, you will quickly find you can’t remain happy with a significant other.  This doesn’t mean that people who marry young marry because they can’t find happiness alone.

I have a kitten










Yep, that’s right.  And it’s pretty cute so that adorable puppy can deal with it.  Just look at that face.  Best.  Kitten.

I matured slowly

I’m not afraid to say it.  I was pretty immature in college.  In some ways I still am.  If I don’t feel that I am mature enough to be everything a good husband needs to be, I’m not going to get married.  If you’re young and already married, I’m not judging you.  Don’t think I’m judging you.  Chances are you just matured more quickly than I did.  Or if you didn’t, I bet you’re learning maturity pretty fast.  Living in the real world kinda does that.  So I guess what I’m saying is…do what suits you best.  I’d go into more detail, but that’s all the time I have right now.  My Pokemon need me.

Oh yeah, here’s a deep and meaningful song about the joys and hardships of being single.


One thought on “9 Reasons why I didn’t get married young

  1. Very nicely put. It’s refreshing to hear someone from our Chrisian liberal arts background admit that this pressure we feel to be married young is sometimes a pressure we should restle through instead of settle for.

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