Confessions of a Control Freak: Dating

By: Abbie Goldschmid

When reading back over the diary of my 15 year old self, I discovered a checklist. No, not a checklist regarding all the things I wanted to do in my life, but a checklist of the fifty some odd things that my future husband HAD to have. He would have blonde hair and big, blue eyes. He would like camping and be a Presbyterian. He would be two years older than me and like to play guitar when he wasn’t busy writing me pages and pages of love letters. Yep, those were on my list…stop laughing. Now I’m engaged, and I can’t help but compare my fiancé, Brett, with what I thought I needed in my husband. My fiancé has brown hair and brown eyes so there goes the blonde and blue. He really does not like camping, and he is not a Presbyterian. He’s actually three years older than me and has never touched a guitar. Brett is pretty great at love letters, but they usually come on Post-It notes. Well, that’s it. I guess the wedding is off…bummer.

You might never have had a checklist about your future spouse, and that’s great. But I would guess you probably have a “type.” You always date a similar sort of person, and you find yourself resisting people that differ from that. You find yourself saying, “Well, she just isn’t my type” or “He just isn’t what I pictured for a relationship right now.” I hate to tell you this, but that’s pretty much the same thing as a checklist. It’s one thing to know that a relationship with a certain person will not work out; you two are just too different. It’s another to not even give a person a chance because they aren’t exactly what you imagined. Take it from me: God has plans far greater than those we make for ourselves.

And that’s my point. My checklist was simply a way of taking control. It was my way of saying, “God, I know best what would make me happy. So, you are going to bring a person into my life that matches every single one of these things on this checklist and then I will know they are the person for me. Ok? Ok.” I was making a deal with God, but I really wasn’t giving Him much say in the matter. I wasn’t giving Him the chance to surprise me, to blow my mind, and if I had stuck to my guns and ignored every sign God was giving me, I would have missed out on the greatest blessing in my life.

So go ahead, be adventurous. Go on a date with someone that is nothing like the person you have been imagining in your head. Ok, so it might not work out. So what? You learned your deal breakers. Good. The best that can happen is you make a new best friend. Either way, the only thing you have lost is control. Not a bad deal if you ask me. And that’s coming from the control freak.


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