Wait…This Is From the Bible?

By: Tyler Lehmann

Bible stories come in many varieties. Some tell us about God. Others teach us life lessons. And then are those Bible stories that are just plain weird.

Here’s a sampling of the weirdest stories the Bible has to offer. You’ve been warned.

Weird Bible Story No. 1: A Hairy Situation

2 Kings 2:23-25: “From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him.

‘Get out of here, baldy!’ they said. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’

He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.

And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.”

Weird Bible Story No. 2: Sh*t Happens

Judges 3:21-25: “Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, and his bowels discharged. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it.

Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

After he had gone, the servants came and found the doors of the upper room locked. They said, ‘He must be relieving himself in the inner room of the palace.’

They waited to the point of embarrassment, but when he did not open the doors of the room, they took a key and unlocked them. There they saw their lord fallen to the floor, dead.”

Weird Bible Story No. 3: All For Love

1 Samuel 18:25-27: “Saul replied, ‘Say to David, “The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.”’ Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins.

They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.”

Betcha never heard those in Sunday school.

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